I'm making a mess of my marriage.

There are so many little things that even a person as self-centred as me would do for a loved one, that it never occurs for me to do for H. He asks me if I do care for him and I say yes. I want to mean it. But every day on my way to work and on my way home, basically when my mind is free to drift off anywhere it wants to go, it goes to you. I think about you with regret, with sadness, with love, with lust, and a host of other emotions I can't identify. If I don't say these things that I feel, I will go insane.

I stand outside this woman's work, this woman's world.
I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.

Oh, darling, make it go, make it go away now.