If you really loved me, you would never have let me walk away from you, and then remain in a relationship where you don't even know if the other person is entirely faithful to you. 

When you told me that you didn't know if she was entirely faithful to you, even now, yet you choose to stay with her, that was the seed that grew and grew in my mind until I couldn't pretend anymore that you loved me, because if you did you wouldn't stay. 

That's the one fact that I've taken so very long to fully understand. 

It doesn't hurt any less that I've come to a decision, but at least I don't feel so conflicted anymore. 

My mind has taken such a long time to figure out what the problem was. 

When I am with you, I feel so happy but sometimes I feel strangely numb.  I couldn't figure out why.  I still can't, but am guessing that it is because I was trying to hold back how I truly felt about you, to block out the doubts, to avoid thinking at all about what was going on.

I didn't stop seeing you because I wanted to see someone else.  I don't care if I see anyone or not right now.  Frankly, it may be that I am not ready.  I walk around feeling like most of me is missing and maybe it will always be this way but I cannot lie to myself anymore and say that you love me because you don't.  You may think you do, and believe that you do, but you don't.