OK I'm in an emotional loop here, going from sad to angry to numb and then all over again.  How long has it been, 18 years? 18 years of what?  What was I to you, and what were you to me?

Regardless of whatever it was and whatever we had, I do not seem to have anything left for anyone else.

And what is the use of all that, then.  An optimist would say that, having known and understood the depth of this emotion, I should be grateful that I had the chance to experience it.  Another way of looking at it is, I don't see the point.  Maybe it is better not to have known or understood, because now I know what is absent and that knowledge makes the absence and the emptiness that comes with it all the more difficult to bear.

Why did you not choose me?  I am so tired of wondering, am so done with thinking about that.  How I wish I could cycle back to the day before I asked you out for the very first time, and just not take that first step.