Hello again.

I had a dream of you the other night, woke up shaken and it took hours to get back to sleep. I'm still shaken even now - it's like a tsunami in my soul. I am unsettled and unsure of myself.

I dreamt we were back together, that we talked like people who didn't know how to hate ourselves and each other. Do you remember what that's like? I was so happy in my dream and so shattered when I woke.

Why do my thoughts still go back to you? Even now? Will I still be this way in a year or 10 years? What is the statute of limitations on matters of the heart?

It's not you that haunts me. I am haunted by the bitter unforgiving ghost of what we used to be. And for the past few days, I see the old me in the mirror. I glow from the inside.

I had a lot to say to you when I woke up. I can't say those words now. My internal defence mechanism has shut me down. I can't feel, yet I feel sadness and self-loathing. It's at times like this when I need to say something here, to soothe myself in some way but I just can't and instead I just reach for a song.

If you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
But your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase.